Dear Julie,

How have you been these days? Has the new year, 2013, been treating you well? It's been a while since I wrote to you.

In 2012, there had been so much to me. The breaking up was really overwhelming, and it had taken so long to even stop thinking about it or him. I still am not sure if I dont think about him at all anymore, but it sure does not come up to my mind every freaking day anymore. I assume it is a good thing, but I feel a bit strange when I realize that I have not thought about him so much or it doesnt hurt so much when I think about him. Am I getting over him finally? Now I sure does know that I can live without him. Yes, of course I have known that I can live without him, but now I really feel it in a real way. Maybe I should be happy about it, and I am happy that I dont need to cry every night missing him. But at the same time, I dont know how to describe how I am feeling, but, I sometime feel like... "Really? Am I getting over him? Is it really ending? Are we really really done now? Am I okay with getting over him and forgetting about him?" I am confused.

Now I have a guy who keeps telling me he likes me, and I do like getting his attention, and I appreciate him a lot. I know I am getting over him thanks to this guy. I think I like this guy too.

But then, why am I questioning whether Im really okay with getting over him? I have absolutely no idea, and I feel a bit guilty thinking like this.

What am I doing?

Love myself

Dear Julie,

It's been a while since I wrote to you last time. How have you been these days?
I do do do hope you are feeling better and having fun more or less!

I have tried to keep myself busy so that I don't always think of him and miss him.
In a way, it has been a good way to avoid being depressed all the time. However, like today, there is nothing much I need to do, I have been nurvus and kinda depressed, thinking of him and missing him...
Ugh, how much time will I need to just get over him?!
I have been letting myself take time to get over him, and it has been already about 3 months!
But still, I cannot even forget about him?
What's wrong with me?

However, I just strongly think that I gotta learn to love MYSELF.
It's not easy at all to me to enjoy being single and alone.
It is not easy and fun at all to have "by myself time" now... I don't know why and when I forget how to enjoy my single life.
Before I met him, I had been dumped, but still I didn't totally forget about enjoying alone time.
But now, I don't really know what to do all by myself... and I do realize it is really sad.
I gotta love myself.
I gotta enjoy just being with myself.

Julie, wish me luck, please!

crazy?

Dear Julie,

am i getting crazy?

it has been about a month already since he just suddently decided to dump me. the unbearable heart-ache is getting weak little by little, i assume. sometimes i even feel like im getting over him somehow.

i still think of him every freaking day, and it makes me sad and miserable, but i believe it is natural to think of him and miss him now and then after a heart breaking breakup.

however, i sometimes just cannot believe what i think or feel... the last moment, i was thinking like "oh, hey, ive been thinking of him for this whole day, and it doesn't hurt that much. i even think i might be able to handle the situation if he tells me he is already seeing a new girl.". And the next moment, i think like "i miss him so much. why did he have to leave me so suddenly? if i change, will he come back to me? what can i do to make him come back to me? can i call him? can i text him?".

this rollercoster of my feelings drives me crazy. i feel im so unstable and weak. and it clearly says im still stuck in the bottom of the breakup, and i still cannot get over him at all after all.

hey, Julie, i wanna believe that even this kind of craziness is still common among heart broken girls, and it will get better somehow later.

Dear Julie,

i totally forgot about this blog until now. its surprising.

so why did i come to remember this blog again? because i looked for a blog which i can express my feelings. again.

yes. i am at the bottom of my life. well, i assume it is not correct. i know my situation is not that bad actually. so now lets say i am feeling that i am at the place near the bottom of my life...

what happened? its really silly, but after all, i am just a girl(or a woman, if i need to be realistic) and it is killing me... he finally dumped me after these short/long 2 and half years.

i know what happened, but i dont know why it happened. or, hmm, maybe i know why it happened. whatever. it is just so hard. i mean, im feeling really down and depressed anyways.

hey, but julie, i cannot be like this forever! step by step, little by little, it will get better, right? til then, shout out whatever i feel, and feel better. even a little bit.

new start

here i am.

i came back here to just express my feelings on this particular but not-uncommon day im feeling sad or let's say down.

when i was writing on the blog here for a class, i was not "girlfriend" type of girl. i had tried my best every day for just myself to improve myself little by little.

of course i did need my wonderful friends to survive my "all-by-myself" life in this foreign country, but i didnt really need someone "special". i had lived on my own.

then now, here i am.

what am i doing? why did i become such a dependent person? oh my, i dont really like my weak mind at all!

every day, what i do is just make a bento for him. thats it! really, what am i doing?

and now, he doesnt even need it for tomorrow. i do understand he has been soooo busy for work these days, and its not something like he just doesnt want it. but still, when he says he doesnt need it, hey, i just feel so empty or useless.

so what was my today? what did i do today? i totally wasted a day. a very presious day.

geez, i should do something for myself. i should do something productive. i should do something i can feel good in the end of the day.

what am i doing here? i dont wanna ask this stupid question to myself anymore.

from today, this is my place to express whatever i feel.

tomorrow is another day, julie!